Pastor Kate's Blog - Reflection of "See No Stranger" - Chapter Two

The idea that telling the story is part of processing grief is such a good reminder. I think so often we don’t make space for people to talk about what happened or what/who they have lost. And then having the ability to sit in sadness with a person is a hard thing to do. What I found most interesting about what Kaur said is that witnessing another person’s grief, listening to their story and trying to understand their loss, is a way we can come to know them. It’s how we come to feel connected and to see ourselves in them.

The question about a national moment of grief – ugh what a hard question right now. We have a national year of grief from the COVID pandemic. How do we do this properly? How do we make space for people to talk about what they lost and honor their loss? How do we make space for all of the different losses? Some people lost loved ones – this is actually a more typical loss. But some people lost their businesses, lost their homes, lost their support system, lost their ceremonies and milestones.

Bravery to grieve well – how do we cultivate bravery? Why bravery? Why is it brave to ask someone what they need? What do we do when people don’t know what they need? How do we make space for people to process what they need?

Pastor Kate's Blog - Reflection of "See No Stranger" - Chapter One

As someone who is an empath, the idea of thinking of everyone walking around in the world as someone who is a part of me that I do not know yet is overwhelming. Quite frankly, it make me want to curl up in a ball, pull the covers over my head, draw the curtains, and never come out. All of that information coming into my system would be sure overload.

And yet, I appreciate the reminder that our orientation to the world, the stories we tell ourselves about the world, affect how we interact with the world. And I agree with Kaur that my place is not to judge the world – but to experience it. To approach with curiosity, humility, and a deep sense of unknowing.

In my younger years – I learned that love was conditional. I would experience love if I followed the rules or stayed within certain boundaries. Now, I am surrounded by people who know who I am – my whole outlandish self – and I am still loved. I have had to relearn my understanding and definition of love. I am loved because I am, not for who I am.

When I am in place where I forget that I am loved because I am – I constantly worry that I will lose people’s love. And of course, there is always a chance that I will lose people’s love, but those who are the closest to me – those who are my tribe, my people, my community – they will always love me because I exist, God will always love me because I exist. That love is not conditional. That is a powerful realization and one that I still have to remind myself of everyday.

This chapter generated so many questions for me:

How do you cultivate curiosity – a sense of not knowing? What does that do to our lives? Is it destabilizing? Is there a way to feel secure and honor that there are so many unknowns? How do we feel a sense of safety – or is a goal of safety incorrect? What makes us able to live fully? What are the necessities of a fully experienced life where we thrive? What conditions are necessary for us to thrive and how do we focus on those?