- Aug 31, 2021
See below for the latest edition of our newsletter, Uncommon Conversations.
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As I consider Kaur’s chapter “Push”, I realized I am happy to push myself but not so happy if I feel like I might need to push others. The reader’s guide says:
The practice of pushing is one of discernment. Cultivate your inner wisdom to be able to answer the cyclical questions: Is now a time for me to rest and breathe? Is now a time to push, for myself and others? Who is supporting me in this labor? Who am I providing support to?
Over the years I have gotten more comfortable with pushing although I still don’t like it. When I was preparing to work in ministry, I was so averse to conflict that I was told I shouldn’t work in a local church. I’ve had to work on changing my narrative around conflict and now I am much more able to tolerate it – even to see it for some of the gifts that it offers. I’m learning to embrace that the goal of life is not to avoid conflict – rather conflict is part of the process of birthing some new into being.
I have asked myself the questions posed by the reader guide in the cycle of my leadership at church – is now a time for rest and breathing or a time to push? The church is in a time of great transition. Add a pandemic on top of that and the world we exist in can almost feel unbearable. While it might have felt a lot like pushing during the pandemic, my goal as a leader was to try to help us to breath. To rest and gain strength as much as possible. But as the pandemic remains, I sense that we will once again enter in a cycle of pushing, trying to find our way forward in a new reality.
I wonder how we can support one another and our organization in this work. What practices can help us? Where do we sense a call to push? How do we care for the anxiety that pushing may cause in the system, recognizing that the pushing is a necessary part of the process of continuing to be born anew?
This chapter was hard. Reading about Oak Creek in such detail. Experiencing that story with an author that doesn’t look away or flinch. Really, really hard. A couple of things came up for me when reading this chapter. First, I was raised in a household where hard things were avoided. We simply just didn’t talk about them. If someone, dared break that rule, reality was denied. There was simply no capacity to name or sit with hard things.
Now, one of the biggest parts of my job, is to sit with hard things that people acknowledge are happening. Often, when I’m present during intense grief, I focus on my breath. I take long deep breaths and ask God that those around me feel God’s presence and peace. It’s my way of “doing” something when there is really nothing to be done. It grounds me and helps me feel present so that I’m able to stay in the moment and acknowledge the hard things.
At one point in the chapter Kaur mentions that we may not see the fruits of our labor during our lifetime, we labor anyway. That was helpful to me. In a results-oriented, I want it now culture, I can get frustrated with efforts that feel like they lack results. And yet, I believe two things. First, the effort does change the world – even if it’s not in ways that I can see. Second, the effort changes me. When I live a life and take actions aligned with my values, I become closer to God.
The reminder that we may not see results is also freeing. It frees me to take a breath and step away from efforts because it reminds me that this is long, slow progress. My effort contributes to that process and the longer I can sustain the effort the bigger impact I will have. I don’t labor alone and I’m not the solo savior of the universe. This is not the kind of thing where if I just stick it out until this one thing happens, if I just get this piece right, everything will change.
I wonder how we, as a church community, can better support one another to sustain our efforts in doing work where we might not see the results in our lifetime. How can we celebrate one another’s efforts? How can we renew one another’s spirits?
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